Goode Medicine: A Sitcom You Likely Won’t See

Brad Connor and Heather Corman, two pharma sales reps, negotiate the Southern California freeway in a PT Cruiser convertible. They weave in and out of traffic, shadowed by walls of semi-trucks and tall palm trees.

Heather: “Damn, my Lipitor pamphlets just blew away!”

Brad: “You need to keep those packaged.”

Heather: “I know, I know, it was an anomaly.”

Brad: ” ‘Anomaly’? Sounds like a new drug. ‘Anomaly: take occasionally . . . just because’.”

Heather: (sighs) “The company’s got to get me a rental, or get my car out of the shop.”

Brad: “Like, truly. Sales territory issues. You wear that cheerleader’s outfit and seem a bit conspicuous.”

Heather: “Remember, Goode Pharmaceuticals recruited me from the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.”

Brad: “Yeah, yeah. They recruited me from the Berkeley croquet team.”

Heather: “Let’s go pick up lunch for Medical Arts.”

Brad: “Right.”

_____

Brad and Heather take an exit to find a restaurant. Naked human directionals advertise a car wash. They find a drive-through and order turkey sandwiches at the window.

Speaker voice: “Sir, this is a bank.”

Brad: “I knew that.”

_____

Medical Arts Clinic is located next to Back Neck and Shoulder Pain in the Sunrise Center. The building is beige stucco, surrounded by palm trees.

Heather gathers pharmaceutical samples and sandwiches, walks to the entrance and enters the lobby.

Heather: “Is he in?”

Office assistant: “Go on back.”

Heather walks down the hall to an empty conference room and enters. She sets up the freebie lunches, walks out and down the hall, connecting with Doctor Fear. She touches his arm, her pompom gently brushing his wrist.

Doctor Fear: “Good morning, Ms. Corman . . . this way, please.”

In his office, Doctor Fear takes a seat behind his desk and crosses his hands over his lap. Heather stands across from him.

Heather: “I want to talk to you today about Vivify, the new drug for patients who are on multiple meds. (stretches out arms, shakes pompoms, kicks left then right, repeats)

“ViviFY! ViviFY! Works in seconds! Zaps the fog, starts the brain!

“ViviFY! ViviFY! Lasts for hours! Tweaks the synapses, stops the pain!

“Open the bottle, caress the pill

“Wash it down!

“Vi vi FFFFYYYYYY!” (jumps; performs split).

_____

Brad and Heather in car on freeway, yelling, with the top down.

Heather: “Sold him!”

Brad: (sighs) “Yeah.”

Heather: “Next stop?”

Brad: (smiles) “Dr. Bronner at Sunset Plaza. We play croquet together.”

(Pamphlets litter the freeway)

No pharmaceutical reps were harmed in the creation of this story.